Alls Fair in Love and War....

Maybe because I realized it's Memorial Day in the States... or because of a few situations I recently witnessed... I was prompted to examine this concept. The statement of "alls fair in love and war" traces its origin back to Renaissance English poet and playwright John Lyly's 'Euphues' (1578). The quote was "The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war. " 

Funny enough though, I see these two concepts overlapping quite a bit... war in relationships.... and relationships at war.  All kinds of relationships... countries, friends, lovers, coworkers... another quote comes to mind... and that is "Survival of the Fittest." 

I have a theory... as a constant observer of the world and those that inhabit it... and of my own situations... I consider myself to be a "Social Scientist."  I theoretically put my white lab coat on, get the glasses and the clip board out, and analyze what goes right, or for that matter wrong, in every day life... considering all life experiences as one big experiment with different variables. 

That said, I think the rules get thrown out the window in these two situations, love and war, because there is inevitably a vulnerability on some side if not both sides of the situation, both lovers or both combat war fronts.  When someone or someones are vulnerable, there is no telling what they will do to survive.  Just like a mother bear, no matter how much she is not a meat eater, she will still rip you in half just for the sake of keeping her young safe (this example being LOVE).

As I see it, once you are vulnerable, you feel powerless, and this can happen when you're out of tanks and AK47's, or when you give up too much of yourself emotionally.  As they say, knowledge is power, and if you know someone's or some army's weakness, you can attack, if need be.  People tend to act a bit nuts when they know they're vulnerable... that mama bear being a perfect example.  Same thing if you're in any kind of relationship, vulnerability will make you feel powerless, the consequences of which no one knows.

I recently watched someone in a work relationship go a little hay wire because they had volunteered too much information about them-self to a colleague, and that colleague used it against them... madness ensued.  Same thing with a lover I once had... he said I love you.... and I wasn't there yet, so, he is vulnerable... and behaved quite badly... 

I guess in the end, you will never truly be able to manage these situations, apart from having compassion for all involved.  Because now you understand, that the most vulnerable situations... that involve the most "vulnerability"... can cause unreasonable behavior.  Hence the statement, alls fair in love and war... because you instinctively have compassion for those in those situations... afterall, we've all been there... at war in a relationship... for love of country or love of family or love of a lover....

... take John Lennon's advice... Give Peace a Chance.... recognize when you feel vulnerable, and make a different choice.  Don't try to self protect, or act rashly... just be honest... it will probably result in more respect and connection than you anticipated... be not afraid... it's a good thing to connect with people...

Eddie Izzard - Learning French

Screaming inside my head...

Ever have one of those moments... when something happens or someone happens, and you are "not allowed" to react... so you are SCREAMING inside your head?  You don't hear a word they're saying... all you can think (I mean scream inside your head) is "DON'T SHOW EMOTION... STAY CALM... IT WILL BE OVER SOON!"  

I pride myself on being a fairly calm, (ok, fine excitable at times...) but able to handle stress... mostly a jovial, but together person.  However, there is a category of items that GET me.  Where I am unable to stay inside my own God Damn skin!?!?  It's a shame too, because in those moments, you typically need your MOST amount "cool" you have stored up. 

I once heard Richard Dreyfus say in the movie "The Goodbye Girl"... "Just when I need my ego the most, it locks itself in the john."  That's perfect. 

So.  This is my anthem to all those like me that struggle with this lack of cool in times of need.  Let's pool our collective circumstances... take one last look at them... and BURN 'EM!  No more... commit to, every time we encounter one of those dreaded moments... we summon our collective coolness and courage... and boldly fight on!

I have decided, and know to be true, that our reaction, is really a choice.  We have to move forward more proactively, design the moments... You all know as well as I do that you can see them coming at you... your boss with a funny look on his face, a devastatingly handsome man... in that VERY moment... DECIDE... you WILL have your MOST amount of coolness available to you... and be as calm as you are standing on a street corner daydreaming and sipping a latte.

Deal? deal.  

 Whew.

JUST A BIT OF FUNNY

Laws of Nature

I got to thinking about human nature today. It's funny how we operate. Just like magnets. Or as all the scientist I have read would say, bodies of energy: same thing. When conditions are right, we attract or repel perfectly. But then again the size of magnets need to be considered. A giant one could pull another smaller magnet from across a room or send it there if flipped.

Now that we've worked that out, seems to me (and some "scientists") humans operate similarly. Tricky. Where does this leave us? Searching for magnets... flipped "our" way! Some theorists call this concept the Law of Attraction. Like the Law of Gravity, it is infalible and unwaivering. It suggests that our energy (however vast you define this) will draw things/people/places to us or rather, away from us.

Now, I have never been one for laws or rules, but you can't argue that if you threw a ball into the air, it is true that it will ALWAYS come back down. So I suppose Law of Gravity, ya got me there. As for Law of Attraction, this one has me sold fairly well too. The trick I think is really understanding your energy force field and what it will do to draw or push anything to or away from you.

Possibly really knowing the power of your thoughts and the truth of them. You can tell yourself over and over again you are ready for a romance, however deep down you don't feel ready, or maybe feel you deserve it.... the outcome = no relationship. The energy of those thoughts keeps it away from you. Same thing for money... Or success... Or happiness....

When it comes to choosing who will be in your life, I recommend valuing their "Yeeee-Haaaaaaa!" quality above all others.

Changing what you have, comes from changing who you are.

And changing who you are comes from changing what you think.

Food for thought... hmmmm I'm starved!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Caracasbaaiweg,Jan Thiel,Netherlands Antilles

DAYS GONE BY

Soooo.... Long time eh?  Well LOT'S has happened... and recently I was reading a really fun blog... and thought,"Wait, don't I have a blog?"  "YEAH!" And it was always so fun to have it as a release... so here goes... I'm back!

Where to start... I moved to Curacao... and yes, that picture is actually what it looks like... un-friggin-believable!  I think the biggest difference between living in the US (otherwise known as the "World's Most Largest Biggest Stinkin' Hampster Wheel") and a caribbean island off the coast of Venezuela is the lifestyle... 

My new BFF said (in her broken English mixed with Dutch, we'll call it... Dinglish?) of the US that it's so competitive, it's one big competition... interesting new way of saying the old adage "keeping up with the Jones'."  And she couldn't be more right. I didn't know that that concept really had infected every moment, every intention, every motivation.  Faster, Bigger, Further, More more more.... ahhh.  

Here people live for "fucking off."  When can they sit... just sit.  I asked once what there was to do at a particular location... and the response was "sit... and lounge (another word for sitting)... oh and drink... or chat."  So basically sitting was the new activity I needed to learn.  So to practice I went and purchased a Hammock.  And with my "handy" drill.... hang that baby between two posts on my porch and SAT.   Just sat, no drink, no book, no electronic device (computer, ipod, iphone or kindle).   The conclusion: sitting is a wonderful pastime... and a close second is cloud watching... this is terrifically splendid.  But I digress... as in the 7 months of living here s I've now learned LOTS of new things... relaxing, drinking, dancing... to name a few.  

That said... I should probably get back to it... there is a cold beer, waiting by a lonely hammock swinging in the breeze and clouds just itching to be watched....