Alls Fair in Love and War....

Maybe because I realized it's Memorial Day in the States... or because of a few situations I recently witnessed... I was prompted to examine this concept. The statement of "alls fair in love and war" traces its origin back to Renaissance English poet and playwright John Lyly's 'Euphues' (1578). The quote was "The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war. " 

Funny enough though, I see these two concepts overlapping quite a bit... war in relationships.... and relationships at war.  All kinds of relationships... countries, friends, lovers, coworkers... another quote comes to mind... and that is "Survival of the Fittest." 

I have a theory... as a constant observer of the world and those that inhabit it... and of my own situations... I consider myself to be a "Social Scientist."  I theoretically put my white lab coat on, get the glasses and the clip board out, and analyze what goes right, or for that matter wrong, in every day life... considering all life experiences as one big experiment with different variables. 

That said, I think the rules get thrown out the window in these two situations, love and war, because there is inevitably a vulnerability on some side if not both sides of the situation, both lovers or both combat war fronts.  When someone or someones are vulnerable, there is no telling what they will do to survive.  Just like a mother bear, no matter how much she is not a meat eater, she will still rip you in half just for the sake of keeping her young safe (this example being LOVE).

As I see it, once you are vulnerable, you feel powerless, and this can happen when you're out of tanks and AK47's, or when you give up too much of yourself emotionally.  As they say, knowledge is power, and if you know someone's or some army's weakness, you can attack, if need be.  People tend to act a bit nuts when they know they're vulnerable... that mama bear being a perfect example.  Same thing if you're in any kind of relationship, vulnerability will make you feel powerless, the consequences of which no one knows.

I recently watched someone in a work relationship go a little hay wire because they had volunteered too much information about them-self to a colleague, and that colleague used it against them... madness ensued.  Same thing with a lover I once had... he said I love you.... and I wasn't there yet, so, he is vulnerable... and behaved quite badly... 

I guess in the end, you will never truly be able to manage these situations, apart from having compassion for all involved.  Because now you understand, that the most vulnerable situations... that involve the most "vulnerability"... can cause unreasonable behavior.  Hence the statement, alls fair in love and war... because you instinctively have compassion for those in those situations... afterall, we've all been there... at war in a relationship... for love of country or love of family or love of a lover....

... take John Lennon's advice... Give Peace a Chance.... recognize when you feel vulnerable, and make a different choice.  Don't try to self protect, or act rashly... just be honest... it will probably result in more respect and connection than you anticipated... be not afraid... it's a good thing to connect with people...