X + Y + Z = LOVE

Love is the subject of books, poems, songs… is studied by scientists and philosphers alike… has caused wars, is sought after and chased… has mended and broken hearts, built and torn bridges… is age old and timeless, bains our existences, and is shouted from roof tops.  There are over more than 150, 000 songs about love available on iTunes, 240,000 books in circulation today, and 1.8 billion websites dedicated to the subject.   

Some say it doesn’t exist, others say it is the only thing to live for.  It is not quantifiable, yet manages to fade and grow.  It is understood by all yet is a feat to define or explain.  Love manages to foster a feeling of belonging all the while engaging a sense of freedom.  Love seems to be the ultimate in the expression of the balance of the Ying and Yang.  Love warms our hearts, gives our days purpose and is the greatest gift shared. 

While there are many factors like physical attraction, mental stimuli, common interests, political views or religions… there is something else there that we all try our best to explain, analyze or quantify.  My best friend calls this the "X" factor... A scientist would say something like our body’s “attracted” to the other person’s pheromones, or subconsciously our minds identify with the physical attributes of the other person, like the shape of their face, color of their skin, etc.  Others will talk about the stuff of “sole mates”… some may refer to past lives resolutions… And yet regardless of what you name it, there is something so magical about meeting someone that genuinely reciprocates this inexplicable feeling with you…

I have felt love by way of a compilation of emotions that, added all together, equal love… the touch of someone that “answers you”, physical attraction, immense respect, pride, sincere trust, and a bit of that pheromone stuff… ya know, feeling comfortable, liking someone’s smell…  It always seems met 50/50 by both involved.  I have experienced love as the live equivalent of the Grinch’s heart grow; I have literally felt my heart SWELL in my chest.   

Some say it is an idea created by society, the result of 12^th century aristocratic poets and courting rituals, and Valentines Day.  By now if you have read my blog, you know I think of everything in terms of humans as animals.  And while animals that don’t have the society pressures we do, animals engage in the business of “love activities” just the same as humans.  It might not be society’s version of “happily ever after”… they still find each other, grow together, mate, have families, enjoy and protect each other.  The only difference I can find is that humans are the only “animal” that has sex for pleasure, rather than only for procreation.  

And beyond all my “human nature” theories there is the “energy” angle.  They say you find the right person when you are ready… and ready means not desperately wanting, but having “placed an order” for love and freely, naturally expecting it to be fulfilled.  Now the trick is maintaining and caring for that "love" like the seedling of a baby plant… with a healthy "home", perfect mixture of “moisture” and “heat”… and voila, you have a well rooted, happy growing plant… ehem, relationship…  Hmmm… Enough said. 

I could go on and on and on... but I digress...

Love is GRAND, it gives you wings.  Happy Flying All!

WITH THAT I LEAVE WITH THE LYRICS OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS ABOUT LOVE… THAT I THINK SAYS IT QUITE WELL… BY SUGARLAND, APPROPRIATELY CALLED “LOVE.”

Is it the face of a child'
Is it the thrill of danger'
Is it the kindness we see in the eyes of a stranger'
Is it more than faith'
Is it more than hope'
Is it waiting for us at the end of our rope'

CHORUS:
I say, it’s Love.
I say, it’s love.

Is it the one you call home'
Is it the Holy Land'

Is it standing right here holding your hand'
Is it just like the movies'
Is it rice and white lace'
Is it the feeling I get when I wake to your face'

REPEAT CHORUS

Is it the first summer storm'
Is it the colors of fall' 

Is it having so little
And yet having it all'
Is it one in a million'
Is it a chance to belong'
Is it standing right here singing this song'

REPEAT CHORUS FOUR TIMES

Is it a veil or a cross'
Is it the poet’s gift'
Is it the face that has launched over thousands of ships'

Is it making you laugh'
Is it making you cry'
Is it where we believe that we go when we die'
Is it how you were made'
Is it your mother’s ghost'
Is it the wish that I’m wishing for your life, for your life, for your life the most'
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HOME SWEET HOME

Alright now... it's been 1 year... 2 months... 23 days... and 16 hours... since I moved to the Caribbean Island of Curacao... First off, I've found myself an opportunity to learn 3 languages, relive my 20's, hone my Latin dancing... and find MYSELF, spiritually and physically under this well built shell.  I feel compelled to start writing about this place, my home, that afforded me all these amazing gifts.  Thus far, I have continued to write about my process... however, now I've started to look around and really enjoy this place for what it is.  And given that every time I came through Immigrations I claimed to be a travel writer (until legally acquiring residency)... I ought to keep a bit of truth in that and let you all have a glimpse into my paradise, my reality... Also I now have a residency here, so, I'm clear!

It's quite amazing to feel at home some where, when you never felt it any where.  I often experience people careen over stories of their grandmothers kitchen, or the backyard bbq's, or the holidays growing up... I never had that feeling, no sob story, just isn't part of my "story" growing up.  I often searched for it, open to any and all opportunities, following the breeze as it floated me off to locations all over the US.  However, always curious of other cultures, I often had International friends, or took up learning new cultures through cooking classes or reading, as a way of curing my craving for diversity.  And now, having allowed the wind to drop me swiftly on a spot of land in the middle of the Caribbean Sea... oddly enough, I feel as though, I have found a place where, while a complete and utter foreigner, I fit in more completely than any where I have ever known, while still maintaining a bit of novel uniqueness. 

There is something to be said for a European Island... in which you get the best of a European life style, AND the laid back culture of the Caribbean.  First off, Europeans don't work too hard, they work just enough, and know how to keep a balance.  Unlike Americans, they value their time at home, with their families, lounging, not rushing off somewhere, not completely absorbed in TV, just sitting, and eating and visiting with friends and families.  They don't let work "own" their lives, they work to live, not live to work.  Now add a healthy dose of the Caribbean breeze, and Rum, and sunshine, and swaying palm trees... and you get the MOST relaxed environment known to man.  Another added bonus, we are not the most touristy island around, so we kind of keep to ourselves... no copious amounts of annoying tourist wandering around, trampling on our reality, or raising prices, or spoiling our well kept secret. 

There is enough rum, and beer, Caribbean Latin infused music to go around... Given that I am one of few Americans on the island... I am often asked when I will go back to the US... and I say if the wind blows hard enough to send me back (that would take a Tsunami btw)...plus I can't imagine living in the US again, not after this lifestyle... it's far too comfortable and manageable... I'M HERE TO STAY, YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME CURACAO (This one's for you Love).....

Cheers!

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Present, Past & Future

(I wrote this weeks ago and never published it...)
I got to thinking today about filling the gaps...What I mean is, I think when we grow up, no matter how miserable or happy that existence is, we are left with gaps.  That which creates our differences... it's a good thing, because through our diversity we hopefully learn to use our talents and gaps through life. Ok Example.. I grew up pretty independent... now if I was feeling sorry for myself, I would say neglected, or lonely... but I'm not there any more.  Now I like to take things more positively, and this way, I get to say independent.  This has afforded me the opportunity to learn a lot on my own.  I have become quite ingenious with problem solving because I didn't have anyone to teach me things, I HAD to learn on my own.  Now fast forward to being an adult, unlike a lot of friends I have that had amazing families... I don't have those kinds of ties, I'm not close to them.  So, I get to go off and live all over the planet, freely, because I don't have those ties.  

Don't get me wrong, it's taken a long time to get to this place, and of course I still have moments of longing for the kind of love and support I witness with my friends families.  But I realized I can not change the past or reality.  I need to appreciate the lessons and talents it has translated for me.  I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for my independent childhood.  Making up games for myself, learning to be happy playing alone... I have an easy time solving problems, and getting through sticky situations, because I had to figure out things on my own as a kid.  Which is great because not only can I help myself, I tend to help friends figure things out as well.  It's a nice skill.  I have enjoyed it, and continue to hone it.

Anyway... just a thought I had... as I always hear friends winging on about their pasts,  I say... "Live more proactively, more present..."  Move forward... wake up every day as if on purpose... ask for what you want... enjoy moments... keep your head up... keep looking forward....  What you desire will come to you... if you only simply believe it.
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Choice Words...

Ever notice peoples choice of words... very revealing... everything from what they talk about to how they say it.  Example... "I don't know what happened... the thing just broke." Really??  It broke all by itself... or... YOU broke, albeit by accident, but You in fact did break it.  Hm.... lack of willingness to take responsibility (interesting).  Or how bout the all too inexplicable answer to "how are you"... No one person I know actually answers this question.  Fine, Good, Great, Another Day another dollar, soso... all usual answers.

Now, let's take this one step further... people all day long I hear saying things like, "I'm just not a good sleeper".. "my handwriting is terrible".. "I'm not the kind of person who... " (insert any crap on this one)... "I gain weigh just looking at sweets."

All examples of us CREATING our reality.  What if you decided to switch it up a bit... and stop the running dialogue/loop tape in your own head about not sleeping well.  Stop accepting that your reality is of some unknown making, in someone else's charge.  YOU are in charge.  So... all those things you are content with being not content with... decide what you want, and start to say THAT.  "I sleep so well at night I wake up not knowing where I am at times."  "I have so much money in the bank I don't know what to do with it all!"  Just try that one of for size.

You will realize not only how often you say these kinds of things out loud... but how often you say them to yourself... only fostering the design of things you don't want.  However the universe only hears what you SAY...  so change it!
PROACTIVE LIVING, I call it... wake up in the morning... and DECIDE right then.  "I am going to have a splendid day, full of opportunity, everything will just fall into place, I will have a happy good mood all day long... "

Remember what I always say... you can be specific BY ALL MEANS... ask for exactly what you want.  I did that and got the car of my dreams (in a used car lot, I think they didn't know what they had, I got lucky - whoops no such thing as luck... I CREATED IT!)  OR... you stay loose, and just ask for the essence of something (this way you give the Universe creative license to play)... I once asked for the time of my life... and I wound up backstage at a Paul Simon concert having dinner with the band.

Happy creating... MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!

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This is hilarious... Dane Cook "The LIE"

The TRUTH about LIES...

Ok... topics that I blog about are usually the result of me walking the dog in the late evening, by Caribbean moonlight so bright you see your shadow, with a small glass of really nice whiskey on ice, looking up at the stars.  Sometimes I write as a result of something I read or experienced... and then other times I write as an anthem or quest for knowledge.  This one is a bit of all of the above...  

I recently experienced something that made me take pause and think about the TRUTH vs. LIES... why people lie, and what they CHOOSE to tell the truth about...  And while some people are innately fabulous tennis players, I have a NOSE for the truth, like a bloodhound.  This is a perfect moment when I can say,"See, this is why I'm grateful I have experienced some hard times in my life... it makes me wise enough to SEE the TRUTH!"  This is a great skill I have honed... or maybe I've always had it.  I used to ask my father questions incessantly.  I was the QUEEN of "WHY" as a kid... and he was the king of bullshit, and somehow I always knew... This is probably what create that insatiable quest in me to always seek the truth. 

I think I have it figured out... people tell lies for one of many reason.  But when I see people avoiding the TRUTH, it is almost always for this reason - they want to be loved.  And they think if they tell you the truth, you won't love them, so they tell you something that they THINK will make you love them... IE, your 7 year old and a broken dish... or a wife scratching the new car... or husband loosing his wedding band... or of course much more grave things... like criminal lies... but in the end, we all just want to be loved... 

No excuse however...  We should all just live a life we are proud of, and be involved in things that make us happy... and we will have the courage to live in the world in a TRUE way.   The first stop of course is simply seeing the TRUTH... being honest with ourselves.

People lie about everything from a friend looking fat in "these pants"...  to lovers affairs... to job experience on a resume.  And my statement is... "Isn't the truth always easier?"... it's the same equivalent as RUSHING. If you rush, you spill your coffee on yourself, now you have to change your shirt.. now you are running late for work... and you trip over the leg of your chair and fall and break your toe (happens I know).  So in the end... telling the truth is easier, it makes less work for yourself,  it's usually one answer.  And besides which, I know that I don't have some sort of unique talent...  most everyone has an instinctual gut feeling when you are being told a lie.  Ever notice when you ask someone a question, and they answer, and you KNOW it's crap... you ask that same question over and over and over again... That is your instincts saying... "REJECT BUZZER!" to that answer... 

In the end, compassion will tell me that people lie because they want to tell you something that will make you love them... whether it's your 7 year old and the broken dish, or a criminal about that robbery he didn't commit.  Regardless, developing a good instinct for the truth will help you surround yourself with people who live a life of integrity... people that are "clean" and good...people that contribute to your life with their light!  TRUST trust trust your instincts, and you will avoid having poisonous people in your life.  

I always refer to my "stove is hot" analogy.  If someone says the stove is hot when you are young, you touch it because you don't know what hot is.  However, as an adult, you know not only what hot is... but that the stove is hot... DON'T test your instincts just to be SURE the stove is hot... you can see the heat rising off it, and feel the heat when you are just inches away, now just walk away... 

Occasionally, I find myself testing my instincts, and saying to myself "oh I don't want to be too judgmental..."  But that JUDGMENT is what keeps us alive.  It's an eat or be eaten world out there.  That same instinct that tells us to not to trust someone, is that same instinct an antelope has when they feel a LION watching them... and they RUN!  On that note...

Cheers... here's to the truth... and always telling it... UNLESS of course you are planning a surprise party... THEN by all means... LIE.  LOL

+         +          +          +       +         +          +          +        +         +          +          +          +          +

When a man who is honestly mistaken hears the truth, he will either quit being mistaken, or cease to be honest.

-Unknown

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.

-Henry David Thoreau

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

-Mark Twain

Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time.

-Benjamin Disraeli

From error to error, one discovers the entire truth.

-Sigmund Freud

The man who fears no truth has nothing to fear from lies.

-Thomas Jefferson

Truth is the property of no individual but is the treasure of all men.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson 

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Hablo Espanol?? Un poco...

I have been learning to speak Spanish lately from the local Venezuelan Embassy... great experience.  The first question the teacher asked us was "why do we want to learn to speak Spanish?"  Everywhere I have lived, it would have behooved me to speak Spanish, given that I lived in places where there was a giant population of Latin Americans ... plus half the planet speaks Spanish.  So NOW I am finally learning...

I thought it would be easier, or rather I suppose I had hoped something had seeped in vicariously through osmosis since one of my best friends is Spanish, one is Mexican, and I lived in or around a predominantly Latin American community for 7 years or so. But I was mistaken... and to add insult to injury it's supposed to a BEGINNERS class that I'm in, HOWEVER most of the folks in the class you find out lived in Spain, or Columbia, or Mexico, but they want to learn the "proper way to speak" and they consider themselves beginners in that regard... yeah, my foot.  So the class moves MUY RAPIDO to say the least...

And while I would consider myself a star student, you know, front and center of class, glasses on, notebook, dictionary, and iPhone translator at the ready... always trying my best to answer questions. But there are days when the whole process really escapes me and I get entirely lost.  It doesn't happen often... but you put me in class of not-so-beginners, add the obnoxious German women answering their cell phones, add the funny little Dutch lady that talks TO HERSELF! loudly, then add the crazy Colombian guy that shouts out answers...  and it feels like the perfect storm.

So the other day, we were learning how to conjugate verbs and "food" vocab, and the teacher wanted to do an exercise where he went around the room, and we had to answer a random question about food... but he says "we go very fast"... meaning he wants you to do your best with what is at the tip of your tongue... testing us... books closed.  And because I'm at the front, he starts with me, big mistake, I need more than a second to gather my thoughts and few examples from the class always assist me with my answer.

Well this day was beyond my usual limits with the pace of the class and all the "chatty chuchas" in the class... and when the teacher asked me a question I actually now needed not only a second to come up with my answer, but first a minute to fully comprehend his question.  And when I asked him to repeat it, and the look on my face revealed I clearly still did not understand, one of my colleagues frustratedly shouted at me what the teacher was asking.  This incensed me, because I don't want to be given the answer, I WANT to learn.  Well needless to say the teacher could tell I was about either burst into tears or have my head pop off... I couldn't believe how frustrated I was, and how strongly I reacted.  NOW I finally get to my point... my reaction...

I have obviously been on this life long quest of learning how to live a healthy emotional & physical life.  And at this point in my journey, I now have some "tells" for when I need to pause, and take a step back.  This is one of them.  In moments when I come up against something, and have a very strong reaction, I know HERE is a place I have a lot of learning to do.  Example, if someone said to me, I had three arms - nope... no reaction, simply not true, I KNOW it.  However, when this arrogant woman at the gym made a flip comment about my trainer making me do all these (in her opinion) stupid exercises, and it not making a difference, I had a reallllly strong reaction.  I have been working really hard at my health and struggled with my weight my entire life, so this was difficult for me to dismiss.  What I really needed to look at was why I was reacting so strongly, why so insecure in that moment... Good self analysis to do... good "white lab coat" moment.  Same goes for this moment in the Spanish class.

I guess my point is to share something I have learned in one form or another, from everyone from my various yoga teachers, meditation instructors, analysts, and friends...and that is, when you have a really strong reaction to something or push against something with all your might... you may want to pause, and see what is at the root of that reaction, inevitably, it will have nothing to do with Spanish Class.... if ya know what mean. Nothing to do with my fitness...  but potentially a core insecurity, that needs to be worked out.

Ok... enough "deep thoughts" for the day.... let's go watch Nadal on center court for a bit... and then cheer on USA in the World Cup!!! WOOOHOOO!!!

Cheers all... here's to happy extinguishing of heated moments... ADIOS!

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