Hablo Espanol?? Un poco...

I have been learning to speak Spanish lately from the local Venezuelan Embassy... great experience.  The first question the teacher asked us was "why do we want to learn to speak Spanish?"  Everywhere I have lived, it would have behooved me to speak Spanish, given that I lived in places where there was a giant population of Latin Americans ... plus half the planet speaks Spanish.  So NOW I am finally learning...

I thought it would be easier, or rather I suppose I had hoped something had seeped in vicariously through osmosis since one of my best friends is Spanish, one is Mexican, and I lived in or around a predominantly Latin American community for 7 years or so. But I was mistaken... and to add insult to injury it's supposed to a BEGINNERS class that I'm in, HOWEVER most of the folks in the class you find out lived in Spain, or Columbia, or Mexico, but they want to learn the "proper way to speak" and they consider themselves beginners in that regard... yeah, my foot.  So the class moves MUY RAPIDO to say the least...

And while I would consider myself a star student, you know, front and center of class, glasses on, notebook, dictionary, and iPhone translator at the ready... always trying my best to answer questions. But there are days when the whole process really escapes me and I get entirely lost.  It doesn't happen often... but you put me in class of not-so-beginners, add the obnoxious German women answering their cell phones, add the funny little Dutch lady that talks TO HERSELF! loudly, then add the crazy Colombian guy that shouts out answers...  and it feels like the perfect storm.

So the other day, we were learning how to conjugate verbs and "food" vocab, and the teacher wanted to do an exercise where he went around the room, and we had to answer a random question about food... but he says "we go very fast"... meaning he wants you to do your best with what is at the tip of your tongue... testing us... books closed.  And because I'm at the front, he starts with me, big mistake, I need more than a second to gather my thoughts and few examples from the class always assist me with my answer.

Well this day was beyond my usual limits with the pace of the class and all the "chatty chuchas" in the class... and when the teacher asked me a question I actually now needed not only a second to come up with my answer, but first a minute to fully comprehend his question.  And when I asked him to repeat it, and the look on my face revealed I clearly still did not understand, one of my colleagues frustratedly shouted at me what the teacher was asking.  This incensed me, because I don't want to be given the answer, I WANT to learn.  Well needless to say the teacher could tell I was about either burst into tears or have my head pop off... I couldn't believe how frustrated I was, and how strongly I reacted.  NOW I finally get to my point... my reaction...

I have obviously been on this life long quest of learning how to live a healthy emotional & physical life.  And at this point in my journey, I now have some "tells" for when I need to pause, and take a step back.  This is one of them.  In moments when I come up against something, and have a very strong reaction, I know HERE is a place I have a lot of learning to do.  Example, if someone said to me, I had three arms - nope... no reaction, simply not true, I KNOW it.  However, when this arrogant woman at the gym made a flip comment about my trainer making me do all these (in her opinion) stupid exercises, and it not making a difference, I had a reallllly strong reaction.  I have been working really hard at my health and struggled with my weight my entire life, so this was difficult for me to dismiss.  What I really needed to look at was why I was reacting so strongly, why so insecure in that moment... Good self analysis to do... good "white lab coat" moment.  Same goes for this moment in the Spanish class.

I guess my point is to share something I have learned in one form or another, from everyone from my various yoga teachers, meditation instructors, analysts, and friends...and that is, when you have a really strong reaction to something or push against something with all your might... you may want to pause, and see what is at the root of that reaction, inevitably, it will have nothing to do with Spanish Class.... if ya know what mean. Nothing to do with my fitness...  but potentially a core insecurity, that needs to be worked out.

Ok... enough "deep thoughts" for the day.... let's go watch Nadal on center court for a bit... and then cheer on USA in the World Cup!!! WOOOHOOO!!!

Cheers all... here's to happy extinguishing of heated moments... ADIOS!

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